Sunday, April 25, 2010


I've had a few moments lately that I'd like to share.

I recently had a disappointing relationship revelation.

So, I began to pray.  I don't always pray the Rosary daily (I know...I know...), but I made it a priority along with a Novena to St. Therese of the Child Jesus.  But when the Novena had finished and he hadn't contacted me again, my heart sank.  Where is my moment?  Where is my happy ending?  I've cried many tears over broken relationships and being 31 and still single.  I suffer everyday knowing I'm called to be a wife, yet feeling not one step closer to fulfilling my vocational call.  I felt hopeful about the contact last weekend, but now I just feel despondent.

When I'm restless, stressed, or need to think, I usually take a drive.  Well, in the past month I think I've driven about 300 miles each weekend on a road to nowhere.  So last night, I started driving, in the rain, to try and calm my woeful thoughts.  It wasn't helping, so I drove to Holy Infant - my favorite local 24 hour Adoration chapel.  To my dismay, the doors were locked.  Of course, God helped me get inside!  Another adorer came up to me and asked if I knew the code.  Immediately I realized they had installed a lock in order to get in to see Jesus, which I understand for safety, but don't like the idea of.  She let me in after she found the code written on her checkbook.  I guess I looked non-threatening in Ballwin.  Well, I lit two candles, one by Holy Mary and one by St. Joseph, to pray for me and my future spouse (whomever he may be).  I sat in adoration, and per usual, I couldn't take my eyes off the Blessed Sacrament.  I cried.  My thoughts were going a mile a minute in my head to my Savior about what was going on in life, especially relationship wise.  Then all of a sudden I just relaxed physically.  My eyelids were heavy.  My thoughts went away.  I can't remember the last time I didn't have thoughts swarming around in my head...I couldn't move.  I felt like I was going to pass out (slain in the spirit, perhaps?), but with only one other (older) woman in the chapel with me, I forced myself to not let go completely (she already kinda glared at me when I was crying).  And after 45 minutes, I was a new person.  I had a moment.  Even on the drive home (30 minutes) I had no desire for music or the crazy thoughts buzzing through my brain.  I know this happens when I go pray before the Blessed Sacrament; I just wish I would stop fighting myself and realize God is the solution more times than not.

And then today there was a major storm in the St. Louis area.  I was awoken from my beautiful afternoon nap by tornado sirens blaring through my window.  After the storms passed, I went outside.  It was absolutely beautiful, so I took a drive.  I can't adequately describe how amazing the clouds were - fluffy, light, fast moving, low in the sky.  Then, all of a sudden, I had an urge to turn the radio on and on came the song "Jesus Calling" by 33 miles.  It was the end of the last chorus with a huge crescendo and the lyrics struck me so the same time, the sun started shining through the seemed brighter than anything I've seen in a long time.  I was just in awe.  I'm surprised that I was able to keep driving and didn't veer off the road because I was staring at the sky.  It was a moment.  I realized that God is in control, and sometimes I can't control what is happening around me.  When I accept that, I'm at peace.  I think *when* is the key word here...

Moments happen everyday.  I just have to remember to take a breath and notice them.  My little soul is so blessed and loved by my Lord.  Oh, my little, beautiful soul.