When I have something weighing on my heart or mind, I find driving helpful. In the past 24 hours, I have driven over 400 miles and haven't really gone anywhere. While in the car, I typically start by having a dialogue with myself or having a mock conversation with the person who is on my mind. This may seem silly, but it helps. Then, I usually find a song that "speaks" to me in that moment and blast it on repeat in my car. Today, it was this song.
I had never seen the video until just now while I was writing this post, and it reminds me that nothing surprises God. There are no coincidences. And, some of the images in the video kinda feel like me.
There is one person in my life that I have so much to tell, and I have no idea how to do it. While speeding through the farmland and curvy highways, I had a conversation with this person a hundred different ways in a hundred different situations. Yet, I am still fearful.
There is a huge risk I want to take, yet I'm afraid of undesirable consequences. I'm afraid of my heart being broken, and I don't know if I can go through that again.
When you watch this music video, you see signs labeled "regrets only" and "rejected." I'm afraid if I don't say something, I will be that regret sign. But if I do say something, I could be that rejected sign. I think the regret would be worse than the rejected. I just need to figure out how to have a hard conversation. Possibly, a life changing conversation.
Friday, January 6, 2012
I gave up doing New Year Resolutions a while ago and traded them in for an opportunity to set goals. Maybe it's because I work in education and addressing goals is part of my daily life. But I do know that my good friend at My Purple Brick Road posted her 2012 goals for the world to see, so I thought I would be brave and do the same thing. So, without further ado, here are some of my goals:
1. Eat at home. This is mainly for health and budget issues. I eat out way too much!
2. Save more money. See number 1. Plus, my student loans are coming due this summer, and it's not pretty folks.
3. Pay off credit card debt. It's not much, but it needs to go away.
4. Take and pass the Praxis Exam.
5. Work Summer School 2012. See number 2 and 3.
7. Build a better relationship with people who annoy me at work.
8. Read the Bible.
9. Increase my home preparedness. This includes several things...
10. Stop drinking soda regularly. I'm pretty much addicted to sugar.
11. Downsize, declutter, and donate.
12. Watch less mainstream television.
13. Laugh, pray, and be grateful everyday.
14. Be more reliable. Be the person everyone is happy to see everyday.
15. Be joyful - make it contagious.
17. Get serious about the garden and harvesting. I tend to get lazy with my gardening.
18. Learn to save seeds and save seeds for next year. I have a book.
19. Create a better food storage rotation system. Exciting, I know.
20. Be my best at work, even if it is difficult and some things are out of my control.
21. Journal/blog more.
23. Hang artwork on the walls at home. Yes, I have lived here for 3 years and still have many a bare wall.
Plus, I have a few that are more personal and I'd like to keep off of the interwebs. What are your 2012 goals?
Sunday, January 1, 2012
The year 2011 has definitely had it's ups and downs. I sit here on the first day of 2012 reflecting on the things that have happened, good and bad, and wonder about starting anew.
Why is it that people wait until the end of a year to start things anew? This has always bothered me. Every day is an opportunity to reevaluate yourself, goals, attitudes, and start over.
God provides this opportunity every day through Sacraments, love, forgiveness, and the whole reason Jesus died on the cross for us and our sins.
So, for 2012, I will try to remember to wake up every morning remembering the new opportunities for a new beginning daily.