Restless

When I have something weighing on my heart or mind, I find driving helpful.  In the past 24 hours, I have driven over 400 miles and haven't really gone anywhere.  While in the car, I typically start by having a dialogue with myself or having a mock conversation with the person who is on my mind.  This may seem silly, but it helps.  Then, I usually find a song that "speaks" to me in that moment and blast it on repeat in my car.  Today, it was this song.



I had never seen the video until just now while I was writing this post, and it reminds me that nothing surprises God.  There are no coincidences.  And, some of the images in the video kinda feel like me.

There is one person in my life that I have so much to tell, and I have no idea how to do it.  While speeding through the farmland and curvy highways, I had a conversation with this person a hundred different ways in a hundred different situations.  Yet, I am still fearful.

There is a huge risk I want to take, yet I'm afraid of undesirable consequences.  I'm afraid of my heart being broken, and I don't know if I can go through that again.

When you watch this music video, you see signs labeled "regrets only" and "rejected."  I'm afraid if I don't say something, I will be that regret sign.  But if I do say something, I could be that rejected sign.  I think the regret would be worse than the rejected.  I just need to figure out how to have a hard conversation.  Possibly, a life changing conversation.

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