Have you ever just grown apart from a friend that has been in your life for a long time? I feel this has been happening to me for about a year now.
I feel guilty for not calling, getting bored when this friend tells me her current life drama, or passing on a night out because I don't want to see her make a fool out of her drunk self. Yet, I feel like I'm growing up more while she stays the same. Can two people just grow apart and it be okay?
I get frustrated with her. She asks my advice, and I tell her the same things over and over. She dismisses me or says she "can't" face certain problems. I feel that all I can do for her now is pray.
It's weird to think about just letting someone go from your day to day life. I'm not a person to have a lot of close friends. I have about 5 close friends, and I often think I can't "afford" to let anyone go. But if she's continually dragging me down and frustrating the heck out of me, is that an equal, healthy friendship?
I can honestly say at this point I don't miss talking with her on a regular basis. It makes me sad, but it's true. I guess sometimes people grow at different rates or in different directions. Maybe we are just on different paths now.
It happens sweetie. I understand what you mean about it feeling frustrating when someone keeps discussing the same negative drama over and over again with no motivation to actually change the situation. It's hard to sever a friendship, or make it more distant than it had been previously, but sometimes it's the best for all involved and occasionally a wake up call for the other person. It's hard, but you have to do what's best for you at the place where you're at. Two people can absolutely grow apart and it be okay--it just hurts.
ReplyDelete-Jess
Sometimes it happens. I think that's okay. I have a friend who has been my best friend literally since I was born. (Her family lived nextdoor to mine & our moms were close. We had no choice - we had to be bestest friends!). But even after a lifetime friendship, we grew apart. Our lives led us down different paths, and we had a little falling out.
ReplyDeleteBut, we reconnected about 18 months ago, and it's as if nothing ever happened. Maybe you & your friend are growing apart for a time, but perhaps you'll reconnect in the future.
Either way, a friendship ceases to be a true friendship it brings hurt & frustration to one or both parties. I think it's okay to let it go as long as you try to do so without causing hurt to the other person (though sometimes the other person doesn't allow it). I say pray & follow your heart.
Jess...I miss you. :(
ReplyDeleteKelly -- I know what you mean about reconnecting later in life. Jen and I didn't talk for 4 years because of her frustration with me when I was in a toxic, long term relationship. But when we reconnected, it was like no time had been lost. About 2 years ago, I reconnected with my best friend from high school. We had a fight senior year, and hadn't spoken since then. It was amazing to find out how much we missed each other, and I love learning about her life.
ReplyDeleteI know all these things, but it doesn't make it any easier. I just don't want to hurt the other person involved. :(
Ive had to let a few friends go one because the friendship turned relationship had become toxic. Most recently my best friend from high school and i have distanced an incredible amount and i looking back i never saw this coming. similarly with your situation it is because of drinking/partying. i miss her friendship but only who she used to be, not who she has become. sometimes it is best to let others go so they can grow, or even ourselves.
ReplyDeletehowever, in my experience you should leave the door ajar. you never know when someone might really need you, life or death situations. moments of desperation. keep praying for her, no matter what.