Moats and Castle Walls

I'm going to share a little of my crazy with you.

Oh, you know we ALL have a little bit of crazy in each of us.  If you deny this fact then you are even crazier than I am.

I have TOO MANY CLOTHES.

Until now, I don't think I ever realized how many clothes I actually own.  For years, I would buy pretty clothes that went straight into storage.  I know, crazy, right?  (I warned you.)  You see, when my engagement was broken a little over nine and a half years ago, I was in a bad place.  Depressed, irrational, hurt, broken, sad...all of these things.  But most of all, I was fearful of being hurt that badly again.

I like fashion.  I like dressing up like a girly girl.  If you have known me in the past 10 years, you would probably not have guessed that in eleventy billion years.  Yet, in those years (yes, years) of darkness in my life, I was so afraid that I hid myself.  I wore the most dumpy, least attractive clothing possible.  I would not wear make up or even cut my hair for months.  Oh, but I still bought super cute clothes and lip gloss in a rainbow of colors.  They just went straight into boxes and storage.  I would look at them once in a while, but I didn't dare wear anything so flashy out and about.  It might attract someone whom I would fall in love with and allow them to break my heart once again.  I really think being okay with my weight gain and frumpy, drab attire was like a castle wall around my heart.  If anything, it was a purposeful barrier that I created to protect myself.

Only now, years later, have I finally opened up every single box of storage clothes and I am going through every piece of clothing I own.  Yes, I have cute skirts that I bought 7 years ago that still have the tags on them.  Some fit, some don't.  Some are still classic and in style, some really are not!  The point is that the barrier is down.  The castle wall has been breached.  My body is not perfect, but I am enjoying dressing cute, girly, sexy, and professional pretty frequently.  I am getting noticed.  I am getting compliments at work and beyond.  And what am I saying to this attention?  I'm trying my darnedest to take the compliments in stride and saying:  Thank you.

But I seriously need another closet or something.

And, if my personal appearance was my castle wall, my home is my castle moat.

I did mention crazy, right?  Right.

I moved to my first apartment (after my internship in Ohio...I don't count 2 months in an apartment a home) after the dark period in my life began.  I have never kept a neat home.  My home is my moat, an extra level of protection from getting hurt.  I know this sounds insane, but hang in there.

I purposely left my house a mess so that I felt I couldn't invite anyone over.  If no one came over, then I couldn't make memories with them in my private, sacred, homey space.  Extra things started to pile up, and lo and behold, at times my home looked like an episode of hoarders (I mean, think about the clothes alone!).  I hated it, but I would get overwhelmed and couldn't get past it.  Well, my moat is draining.  I think the fact that it totally annoys me and I spend my free time trying to get it all together and looking amazing again is a big step.  An even bigger step is allowing my current boyfriend to come over...in the midst of the organizing and change.  It completely worries me that he has seen my crazy.  He sits with me in the living room and looks directly at it (one should really shield their eyes from such things, like the Ark in Raiders).  Yet, he still calls me and comes over.  I really don't get it, but it makes me feel more normal than insane.  Yay for sanity.

Personally, I think these things are true for more people than I think.  However, I feel blessed to have the insight to recognize what the heck is going on in my heart and brain and move past it.  Praise God for having this insight and contemplative nature!  Whoever shares with me in my life at this point is in for a real treat.  I'm striving everyday to be a better person than the previous day - and it seems to be working.  It just gets more awesome from here...

Well, I'm back to going through piles and piles of clothes.

What does your crazy look like?

Five Things

Within the past year and a half, I began to rethink my "must haves" for a potential spouse.  You know what I'm talking about...the mega-list that a girl will make that includes all the qualities of her future spouse.  I'm talking lines and lines of qualities that no man could possibly live up to.  It's idealistic and unreasonable, but when you make it you don't realize how crazy it really is.

So, I slashed burned cursed revised my list.

I really spent a lot of time contemplating and creating this new list.  I tried to make it with attainable goals and only 5 points.  Very important points.  When I finished it, I realized why all my relationships did not work out.  NO ONE (even my ex-fiance) would have gotten a "check" for all five points.  And NO ONE has ever gotten a check for my number five.  Or really, if I am completely honest with myself, NO ONE has gotten a check for my number four as well. 

Yes, I still think number four and five are attainable.  In fact, they are probably two of the most important points.

So, without further ado, I present my "five things."

1.  He makes me happy to the point my friends comment on how happy I am.
2.  He is a Christian and we feel comfortable praying with/for each other.
3.  He is open to having children, if God so desires to bless us with such a gift.
4.  I feel comfortable being my authentic self with him (I trust him).  He likes me because (despite) of my quirks.
5.  The way he treats me reminds me of how my Dad treats my Mom and how my Grandad treated my Gramma.

What do you think of my list?  Do you have things that are "must haves" for a potential future spouse?

Vocation

I have been very private about my vocational discernment the last several years.  Even my closest friends do not know the inner dialogue of my heart.  Only my Lord knows the give and take when it comes to this.  So believe me when this post is "kinda a big deal..."

Before I was Catholic, I thought vocation meant finding a career.  However, within the Church, vocation has an entirely different meaning.  When you are Catholic, discerning your vocation means you are considering God's will and intent for your life.  There are definite choices:

*Religious Life (Men's or Women's religious communities - sisters, brothers, nuns, monks...)
*Priesthood
*Married Life
*Singlehood

I remember the first time someone asked me the "vocation" question.  It was in 1998, not long after I went to my first Mass (see my conversion story tab).  I was at my boyfriend's mom's after funeral gathering at the family house (his mom died of cancer about 6 weeks after we started dating).  There was a priest in the basement.  I had never really spoken or interacted with a priest before.  He asked me my name and then immediately asked me, "Hey!  Have you ever thought about becoming a nun?"  That moment was awkward, at best.  It was more shocking, to be honest.  In all my life, no one had ever just so bluntly asked me such a question.  My answer?  "I'm not Catholic."  His response?  "Well, have you thought about becoming Catholic?"  My answer?  A shy smile and nervous laughter.  I would later learn that not only was this priest a close family friend of my boyfriend's family, but also the St. Louis Archdiocese Director of Vocations.  So, his questions made more sense in context, but that conversation stuck with me.  I mean, I *did* become Catholic two years after that conversation.  Was the other part to come true as well?

I never really questioned my vocation until my engagement was broken.  But then again, when I became Catholic, I was with my boyfriend of two years.  In the midst of heartache and pain, I wondered the big question of "why."  I would go back and forth for years, questioning where I belonged, and often longing to hide myself in the concealment of a religious cloister so I would no longer have to worry about someone breaking my fragile heart.  I would pray for God to give me the discipline necessary for such a life, but nothing really changed.  I also knew I was looking at a religious vocation as a way to run away from my hurt - not really the best idea.  Ever.

I tried for years to live in my own cloister, in a way.  My bestie commented that I would keep myself busy with extra duties so I didn't have "time" to date or find a husband.  This is very true.  I would make excuses why I wasn't compatible with certain men.  I wasn't feeling a spark with anyone, and so I continued to question my vocation.

In the past two years, I gave up on the possibility of a religious vocation.  I figured it would have happened by now if it was going to happen.  Of course, I thought the same thing about married life.  I'm currently 33 for goodness sake.  This was not my plan.  So, I started to consider the possibility that I would be one of those women who would be single for the rest of their life.  But surely this was not God's plan for me, I would pray!  The thought of singlehood for the rest of my life brings sadness to my heart.  And, I remembered a moment that I had shut out of my mind years ago...

Years ago, when I was still with my boyfriend mentioned above, I babysat for a good friend, Kathie, several times a week.  Most of the babysitting time was when her daughter was 4-8 months old.  Madeline was one of the sweetest, cutest babies I had ever had the pleasure of meeting.  I remember babysitting her one day, and I was laying on the couch and she was crawling on top of me.  She rested on my chest and fell asleep on me.  This angel, sleeping on my heart, brought me to tears.  In that moment, I knew I was meant to be a mother, a wife, a minister of the family.  Thinking about it now I still get choked up.

But I shut that image out.  The thought that it might not happen for me clawed at my heart.

But, a few months ago when I remembered that image while I was talking with a friend, I began to hope again.  I began to trust again.  And, I became more aware of every opportunity God placed in front of me.

I am hopeful again that my person will find me, or has already found/met me.  I honestly don't know at this moment in time.  What I do know is that I pray for my future spouse every single day.  I have for years.  I must admit that whoever that lucky future spouse is, he has years of prayer backing him up in our future endeavors.  I must trust in that!  It may not be easy, but it will be full of prayer, thanksgiving, and hope.

Jer 29:11

True Friendship

I am not a perfect person.  My name is not God.  But, I consider myself someone who loves deeply and tries to live a life of joy in the midst of, sometimes, great heartache.  Right now I am having a hard time.

I feel there are certain people I have an intuition about.  Not many, a few handful of loved ones that I seem to always guess their true intentions even when they put up a wall or a mask.  [Wow, I mentioned Masks.  You would think I was a member of the Reap Team or something...]  I sort of see right through the illusion because, well, I don't know why.  It's a mystery.

I have a friend that I have known for many, many years that I have recently reconnected with.  [And if he sees this blogpost, Lord have mercy on me and help me.]  We spent some time together a few nights ago, and I got a better view into the life he is living.  And, as he is someone I once called my best friend and whom I have fallen in and out of love with for the past 15 years or so, my soul was weeping for him.

Jeremiah 13:17

"But if you will not hear this, my soul shall weep in secret for your pride: weeping it shall weep, and my eyes shall run down the tears, because the flock of the Lord is carried away captive."

I questioned him gently, and he told me his lifestyle made him happy, that this was just how he rolled now.  He couldn't get through 2 minutes without referring to himself with derogatory terms like: freak, whore, etc.  He called himself a bad person.  Even when I reminded him he was a good person, he immediately dismissed my comments.  Even though I was smiling and flirting during our time together because I love him dearly, my soul was weeping.  My heart was breaking.  I was sad for him.  I wanted to say something a little more direct.  But I was afraid, and I kissed him in the doorway and walked away.

My fear of rejection gets in the way all too often. 

Holy Spirit, stir in my soul.

It would be easy to just walk away and not look back to this situation.  But, I'm having one of those moments that I'm feeling God tug on my soul.  It feels similar to when I was first in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ultimately led me to converting to Catholicism or when I was tugged by the Spirit to teach PSR this fall.  It's constantly on my heart, and I need to do something.  But what?

Do I continue to be his friend and preach by example?

Do I confront him?

Do I stay away and just pray for him?

Do I ask others to pray for him (already doing this, btw)?

Do I invite him to spend MORE time with me to do fun things outside of his norm, even if it is super difficult for me?

I need to pray.

Restless

When I have something weighing on my heart or mind, I find driving helpful.  In the past 24 hours, I have driven over 400 miles and haven't really gone anywhere.  While in the car, I typically start by having a dialogue with myself or having a mock conversation with the person who is on my mind.  This may seem silly, but it helps.  Then, I usually find a song that "speaks" to me in that moment and blast it on repeat in my car.  Today, it was this song.



I had never seen the video until just now while I was writing this post, and it reminds me that nothing surprises God.  There are no coincidences.  And, some of the images in the video kinda feel like me.

There is one person in my life that I have so much to tell, and I have no idea how to do it.  While speeding through the farmland and curvy highways, I had a conversation with this person a hundred different ways in a hundred different situations.  Yet, I am still fearful.

There is a huge risk I want to take, yet I'm afraid of undesirable consequences.  I'm afraid of my heart being broken, and I don't know if I can go through that again.

When you watch this music video, you see signs labeled "regrets only" and "rejected."  I'm afraid if I don't say something, I will be that regret sign.  But if I do say something, I could be that rejected sign.  I think the regret would be worse than the rejected.  I just need to figure out how to have a hard conversation.  Possibly, a life changing conversation.

<3 

So Long, Farewell...

The year 2011 has definitely had it's ups and downs.  I sit here on the first day of 2012 reflecting on the things that have happened, good and bad, and wonder about starting anew. 

Why is it that people wait until the end of a year to start things anew?  This has always bothered me.  Every day is an opportunity to reevaluate yourself, goals, attitudes, and start over.

God provides this opportunity every day through Sacraments, love, forgiveness, and the whole reason Jesus died on the cross for us and our sins.

So, for 2012, I will try to remember to wake up every morning remembering the new opportunities for a new beginning daily.

Got Mary?

Just kinda what my heart is thinking about today when doing my Bible in 90 Days reading (and catch up reading)...

At the cross her station keeping,
Stood the mournful Mother weeping,
Close to Jesus to the last.

Through her heart, His sorrow sharing,
All His bitter anguish bearing,
Now at length the sword had pass'd.

Oh, how sad and sore distress'd
Was that Mother highly blest
Of the sole-begotten One!

Christ above in torment hangs;
She beneath beholds the pangs
Of her dying glorious Son.

Is there one who would not weep,
Whelm'd in miseries so deep
Christ's dear Mother to behold?

Can the human heart refrain
From partaking in her pain,
In that Mother's pain untold?

Bruis'd, derided, curs'd, defil'd,
She beheld her tender child
All with bloody scourges rent.

For the sins of His own nation,
Saw Him hang in desolation,
Till His spirit forth He sent.

O thou Mother! fount of love!
Touch my spirit from above;
Make my heart with thine accord.

Make me feel as thou hast felt;
Make my soul to glow and melt
With the love of Christ our Lord.

Holy Mother! pierce me through;
In my heart each wound renew
Of my Saviour crucified.

Let me share with thee His pain,
Who for all my sins was slain,
Who for me in torments died.

Let me mingle tears with thee,
Mourning Him who mourn'd for me,
All the days that I may live.

By the cross with thee to stay,
There with thee to weep and pray,
Is all I ask of thee to give.

Virgin of all virgins best,
Listen to my fond request
Let me share thy grief divine.

Let me, to my latest breath,
In my body bear the death
Of that dying Son of thine.

Wounded with His every wound,
Steep my soul till it hath swoon'd
In His very blood away.

Be to me, O Virgin, nigh,
Lest in flames I burn and die,
In His awful Judgment day.

Christ, when Thou shalt call me hence,
Be Thy Mother my defense,
Be Thy cross my victory.

While my body here decays,
May my soul Thy goodness praise,
Safe in Paradise with Thee.

Amen.

Prayer to the Sorrowful Mother

St. Alphonsus de Liguori
O my afflicted Mother! Queen of martyrs and of sorrows, thou didst so bitterly weep over thy Son, who died for my salvation; but what will thy tears avail me if I am lost? By the merit, then, of thy sorrows, obtain me true contrition for my sins, and a real amendment of life, together with constant and tender compassion for the sufferings of Jesus and thy dolours. And if Jesus and thou, being so innocent, have suffered so much for love of me, obtain that at least I, who am deserving of hell, may suffer something for your love. "O Lady," will I say with St. Bonaventure, "if I have offended thee, in justice wound my heart; if I have served thee, I now ask wounds for my reward. It is shameful to me to see my Lord Jesus wounded, and thee wounded with Him, and myself without a wound." In fine, O my Mother, by the grief thou didst experience in seeing thy Son bow down His head and expire on the cross in the midst of so many torments, I beseech thee to obtain me a good death. Ah, cease not, O advocate of sinners, to assist my afflicted soul in the midst of the combats in which it will have to engage on its great passage from time to eternity. And as it is probable that I may then have lost my speech, and strength to invoke thy name and that of Jesus, who are all my hope, I do so now; I invoke thy Son and thee to succour me in that last moment; and I say, Jesus and Mary, to you I commend my soul. Amen

Litany of Our Lady of Seven Sorrows by Pope Pius VII V. Lord, have mercy on us. R. Christ, have mercy on us. V. Lord, have mercy on us. Christ, hear us. R. Christ, graciously hear us. God, the Father of heaven, have mercy on us. God the Son, Redeemer of the world, have mercy on us. God the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us. Holy Virgin of virgins, pray for us. Mother of the Crucified, [etc.] Sorrowful Mother Mournful Mother Sighing Mother Afflicted Mother Foresaken Mother Desolate Mother Mother most sad Mother set around with anguish Mother overwhelmed by grief Mother transfixed by a sword Mother crucified in thy heart Mother bereaved of thy Son Sighing Dove Mother of Dolors Fount of tears Sea of bitterness Field of tribulation Mass of suffering Mirror of patience Rock of constancy Remedy in perplexity Joy of the afflicted Ark of the desolate Refuge of the abandoned Shiled of the oppressed Conqueror of the incredulous Solace of the wretched Medicine of the sick Help of the faint Strength of the weak Protectress of those who fight Haven of the shipwrecked Calmer of tempests Companion of the sorrowful Retreat of those who groan Terror of the treacherous Standard-bearer of the Martyrs Treasure of the Faithful Light of Confessors Pearl of Virgins Comfort of Widows Joy of all Saints Queen of thy Servants Holy Mary, who alone art unexampled V. Pray for us, most Sorrowful Virgin, R. That we may be made worthy of the promises of Christ. Let us pray. O God, in whose Passion, according to the prophecy of Simeon, a sword of grief pierced through the most sweet soul of Thy glorious Blessed Virgin Mother Mary: grant that we, who celebrate the memory of her Seven Sorrows, may obtain the happy effect of Thy Passion, Who lives and reigns world without end. Amen. The Seven Sorrows of Our Lady 1. The Prophecy of Simeon 2. The Flight into Egypt 3. The Loss of Jesus in the Temple 4. Mary meets Jesus Carrying the Cross 5. The Crucifixion 6. Mary Receives the Dead Body of Her Son 7. The Burial of Her Son and Closing of the Tomb.

Help From My Friends...

Oh life.  After talking to several friends on the phone and online today, this song randomly popped into my head.



Does this song get your cheese-o-meter going?

Maybe for some, but not for me.  I have fond memories of this song from yester-year, and I proudly sing along.  I know I sang this as a duet at a MASC (Missouri Association of Student Councils) camp one summer.  Well, actually it was the second summer I went to the Leadership Camp at William Woods University in Fulton, MO (nerd alert!).  I remember in high school, the Senior Farewell concert every may was guaranteed to have some version of this song included.  Usually it was two senior girls who were besties singing through tears in a duet or trio, and I fully expected to do the same thing when I was a senior choir girl.  However, I had more than one bestie, I had 7 others that were my high school choir besties.  So, we did a version of "With a Little Help from my Friends" by Pieces of 8.  You can listen to the Pieces of 8 version here.  We got permission from the band to sing it at our concert, and they even sent us the sheet music that wasn't published.  It was pretty cool!  Then, we were invited to be the opening act for Pieces of 8 at two benefit concerts for Habitat for Humanity...but that's a whole other story. :)

Anyway, I'm a person who doesn't have a lot of friends.  I mean, I'm friendly and have lots of friends, but only a few really good friends.  I have a few very close friends that I hold very close to my heart.  Today, I got to speak with most of them, and one more just sent me a text message!  Hooray!  I LURVE my girlfriends so very much, even if I'm a flake most of the time because I keep myself super busy.  Being able to chat with my friends on the phone for a couple of hours today just made me so happy.  Thanks, Ladies!  You know who you are!!

bibliophile

I love to read. I find that I don't make enough time each day to read what I want to. And, starting next week, I will probably force myself to read textbooks instead of a great pick off of my to read list. Here's what I did in the late afternoon / early evening tonight.

And, yes, my hair looked that crazy. Laying in bed reading something that helps me become a better person with a pen or pencil in hand is one of my favorite activities.

This book is interesting, and if anything, it is a good review of information. I found myself chuckling at the parts teaching you how to "be a good listener." Sure sounded a lot like all the counseling classes I have taken in the past! Reflective statements, checking for understanding, empathy...oh yeah, baby.

On another lovely note, that trip to Europe that is heavy on my mind continues to poke at my heart saying: GO! JUST GO! I feel like that voice inside me, deep down, is screaming it: GOOO!

Ready. Set. Shine.

Finally.

After much heartache, loss, pain, and other nasty stuff that mucked up my heart for the longest time I feel like I am finally ready to open myself up for someone else to love again. Wow, that was kinda hard to say!

I think I have been fooling myself for years, thinking that I was ready when I really wasn't. I always try to take care of others and love others with all of my being and soul, but today I finally asked myself the question: what about me? What if there are people out there trying to love me and take care of me the way I want to love and take care of others, but I'm keeping my guard up? Love is a two way road. In order to fully love in this world, I need to allow others to love me, to see the vulnerable side of me.

This all hit me like a brick in the face when I came upon this amazing quote today:

"Where there is no love, put love -- and you will find love." ~St. John of the Cross

I've been pouring over those words of the great saint all day. I try and give so much love every day to everyone else when in my heart of hearts all I want is to find someone to love me. And yet, this quote kept telling me to spend a little more time each day loving and taking care of myself in order to have someone else love me also. I had never thought of it quite in that way before.

After this small revelation today, I found myself feeling more feminine, wanting to go through my jewelry box and see what was missing, styling my hair in new ways and thinking of myself in a new and improved light.

I feel renewed and re-energized as a woman. It's so strange. For so long, I just wanted to hide myself...do my loving deeds without anyone watching, hoping to not get noticed out of fear of pain and loss like in the past. But now I know I'm supposed to *shine*.

And then I remembered something from eleven years ago. Wow, I really can't believe it has been that long! Before I was Catholic, I went to the youth rally at the Kiel Center in St. Louis when Pope John Paul II was in town for a pastoral visit. I remember this speech so clearly, and I remember crying tears of hope. Please read...


"You are the light of the world. . . Your light must shine before all"
(Mt 5:14.16).


Dear Young People,

Ask yourselves: Do I believe these words of Jesus in the Gospel? Jesus is calling you the light of the world. He is asking you to let your light shine before others. I know that in your hearts you want to say: "Here I am, Lord. Here I am. I come to do your will" (Responsorial Psalm; cf. Heb 10:7). But only if you are one with Jesus can you share his light and be a light to the world.

Are you ready for this?

Sadly, too many people today are living apart from the light in a world of illusions, a world of fleeting shadows and promises unfulfilled. If you look to Jesus, if you live the Truth that is Jesus, you will have in you the light that reveals the truths and values on which to build your own happiness, while building a world of justice, peace and solidarity. Remember what Jesus said: "I am the light of the world; those who follow me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life" (cf. Jn 8:12).

Because Jesus is the Light, we too become light when we proclaim him. This is the heart of the Christian mission to which each of you has been called through Baptism and Confirmation. You are called to make the light of Christ shine brightly in the world.

When you were little, were you sometimes afraid of the dark? Today you are no longer children afraid of the dark. You are teenagers and young adults. But already you realize that there is another kind of darkness in the world: the darkness of doubt and uncertainty. You may feel the darkness of loneliness and isolation. Your anxieties may come from questions about your future, or regrets about past choices.

Sometimes the world itself seems filled with darkness. The darkness of children who go hungry and even die. The darkness of homeless people who lack work and proper medical care. The darkness of violence: violence against the unborn child, violence in families, the violence of gangs, the violence of sexual abuse, the violence of drugs that destroy the body, mind and heart. There is something terribly wrong when so many young people are overcome by hopelessness to the point of taking their own lives. And already in parts of this nation, laws have been passed which allow doctors to end the lives of the very people they are sworn to help. God's gift of life is being rejected. Death is chosen over life, and this brings with it the darkness of despair.

But you believe in the light (cf. Jn 12:36)! Do not listen to those who encourage you to lie, to shirk responsibility, to put yourselves first. Do not listen to those who tell you that chastity is passé. In your hearts you know that true love is a gift from God and respects his plan for the union of man and woman in marriage. Do not be taken in by false values and deceptive slogans, especially about your freedom. True freedom is a wonderful gift from God, and it has been a cherished part of your country's history. But when freedom is separated from truth, individuals lose their moral direction and the very fabric of society begins to unravel.

Freedom is not the ability to do anything we want, whenever we want. Rather, freedom is the ability to live responsibly the truth of our relationship with God and with one another. Remember what Jesus said: "you will know the truth and the truth will set you free" (Jn 8:32). Let no one mislead you or prevent you from seeing what really matters. Turn to Jesus, listen to him, and discover the true meaning and direction of your lives.

You are children of the light (cf. Jn 12:36)! You belong to Christ, and he has called you by name. Your first responsibility is to get to know as much as you can about him, in your parishes, in religious instruction in your high schools and colleges, in your youth groups and Newman Centers.

But you will get to know him truly and personally only through prayer. What is needed is that you talk to him, and listen to him.

Today we are living in an age of instant communications. But do you realize what a unique form of communication prayer is? Prayer enables us to meet God at the most profound level of our being. It connects us directly to God: Father, Son and Holy Spirit, in a constant exchange of love.

Through prayer you will learn to become the light of the world, because in prayer you become one with the source of our true light, Jesus himself.

Each of you has a special mission in life, and you are each called to be a disciple of Christ. Many of you will serve God in the vocation of Christian married life; some of you will serve him as dedicated single persons; some as priests and religious. But all of you must be the light of the world. To those of you who think that Christ may be inviting you to follow him in the priesthood or the consecrated life I make this personal appeal: I ask you to open your hearts generously to him; do not delay your response. The Lord will help you to know his will; he will help you to follow your vocation courageously.

Young friends, in the days and weeks and years ahead, for as long as you remember this evening, remember that the Pope came to the United States, to the City of St. Louis, to call the young people of America to Christ, to invite you to follow him. He came to challenge you to be the light of the world! "The light shines in the darkness and the darkness does not overcome it" (Jn 1:5). Jesus who has conquered sin and death reminds you: "I am with you always" (Mt 28:20). He says: "Courage! It is I; have no fear" (Mk 6:50).

On the horizon of this city stands the Gateway Arch, which often catches the sunlight in its different colors and hues. In a similar way, in a thousand different ways, you must reflect the light of Christ through your lives of prayer and joyful service of others. With the help of Mary, the Mother of Jesus, the young people of America will do this magnificently!

Remember: Christ is calling you; the Church needs you; the Pope believes in you and he expects great things of you!

Praised be Jesus Christ!


So I'm ready. Ready. Set. Go. I'm ready to shine and let someone love me like never before. Now, if someone would just appear and be wonderful, that would be fantastic! But I must stay hopeful and consider what is in the works down the road.

Jesus, I trust in you!