Amazing Love

I've mentioned before that many times God kicks me in the head, so to speak, about what I am supposed to be doing and focusing on.  Are they usually easy things?  Ummm, absolutely not.  These things have consequences including dealing with upset family, losing friends, canceling a wedding, being threatened, mocked, and other craptastic things.

And now?  Randomly (random in my mind, not to God of course) reconnecting my friend and I after about a 5 year absence of contact.  Realizing this friend is enslaved to some major sin, and now God prompting me to do something about it.

Tonight, a series of events took place that blew my mind.

First, I am prompted to teach PSR at Cletus this year.  I am beginning to become friends with one of the teachers.  Said teacher randomly invites me to XLT tonight at Cletus.  The talk at Cletus was like God crafted the information to speak directly to my heart about my friend.  Because of said talk and Eucharistic Adoration, I am renewed and strengthened to pray and talk to my friend.

Amazing Love.  Poured out for me and all.  God's love has no boundaries, and I am to share that love with my friend, even if I am mocked, persecuted, or whatever.

I think one of the hardest things is that I don't know what God's Will is in all of this.  I could pray until the cows come home, and perhaps I won't see any change in him.  All I know is that this will change me and carve my heart a little closer to God.

Pray for me.  Pray for my friend.  Pray that God's Will be done.

True Friendship

I am not a perfect person.  My name is not God.  But, I consider myself someone who loves deeply and tries to live a life of joy in the midst of, sometimes, great heartache.  Right now I am having a hard time.

I feel there are certain people I have an intuition about.  Not many, a few handful of loved ones that I seem to always guess their true intentions even when they put up a wall or a mask.  [Wow, I mentioned Masks.  You would think I was a member of the Reap Team or something...]  I sort of see right through the illusion because, well, I don't know why.  It's a mystery.

I have a friend that I have known for many, many years that I have recently reconnected with.  [And if he sees this blogpost, Lord have mercy on me and help me.]  We spent some time together a few nights ago, and I got a better view into the life he is living.  And, as he is someone I once called my best friend and whom I have fallen in and out of love with for the past 15 years or so, my soul was weeping for him.

Jeremiah 13:17

"But if you will not hear this, my soul shall weep in secret for your pride: weeping it shall weep, and my eyes shall run down the tears, because the flock of the Lord is carried away captive."

I questioned him gently, and he told me his lifestyle made him happy, that this was just how he rolled now.  He couldn't get through 2 minutes without referring to himself with derogatory terms like: freak, whore, etc.  He called himself a bad person.  Even when I reminded him he was a good person, he immediately dismissed my comments.  Even though I was smiling and flirting during our time together because I love him dearly, my soul was weeping.  My heart was breaking.  I was sad for him.  I wanted to say something a little more direct.  But I was afraid, and I kissed him in the doorway and walked away.

My fear of rejection gets in the way all too often. 

Holy Spirit, stir in my soul.

It would be easy to just walk away and not look back to this situation.  But, I'm having one of those moments that I'm feeling God tug on my soul.  It feels similar to when I was first in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ultimately led me to converting to Catholicism or when I was tugged by the Spirit to teach PSR this fall.  It's constantly on my heart, and I need to do something.  But what?

Do I continue to be his friend and preach by example?

Do I confront him?

Do I stay away and just pray for him?

Do I ask others to pray for him (already doing this, btw)?

Do I invite him to spend MORE time with me to do fun things outside of his norm, even if it is super difficult for me?

I need to pray.

Poking

God has been poking my soul all summer about how to get involved in the church again.  You know what I'm talking about, right?

Me:  UGH.  What am I going to do with my spare time?
God:  Poke, Poke, Poke...

I have sort been in a holding pattern when it comes to ministry involvement for the past few years.  Part of this game of pause involves full time graduate school.  The other part revolves around getting burned when doing youth ministry...but that's a whole other story that isn't blog-worthy.

So, I've been praying.  A lot.  Wondering how I could possibly fit back into the scheme of things on a local church level.  This summer, I feel like God has moved from poking to shoving.  But, I just wasn't seeing where I was going to plug in.  I didn't feel like youth ministry was really my calling.  I also didn't really feel like I should join a choir, even though I'm an accomplished vocalist and musician.  I just wasn't feeling it.

Then, tonight I got a shove from a friend that I feel was my extra nudge and a half from God.  Yay.

MOTF called me to say that her priest emailed the entire parish desperate for volunteers to help with the children's liturgy and a 6th grade PSR teacher.  I immediately had a huge smile and was super excited about this opportunity!!!  It's at the local parish that I have thought about joining (I'm still a member of the parish in my old neighborhood), and I feel like these two situations are totally up my alley.  In fact, that's why MOTF called me.  She said that she read the email and immediately thought of me and that it was a perfect churchy thing for me.

Had I previously shared my intensive prayer for ministry with this friend?  Nope.

Does this friend usually call me to talk about super awesome Catholic stuff?  Nope.

Does this friend usually encourage me to take on more responsibility when I'm already crazy busy?  Nope.

Yet, she called me about this specific thing, and she encouraged me and hyped up each volunteer opportunity.  In fact, she thought I would be perfect for both situations.

I told MOTF I would ponder each of these things in my heart (just like my name sake, Mary), but I already "knew" that I would be emailing each contact person tonight to give my own yes (fiat).

My heart feels at peace, and I am happy.  They may have already found someone to teach PSR, but I'm almost positive they need people to proclaim the Gospel to the children.  I have my "in," and I'm excited.

God uses MOTF in extraordinary ways in my life, and I am so grateful for her friendship and God using her.  She's the one that brought me to God in the Eucharist in the first place, ya know (read my conversion story at the top of the blog).

I feel like dancing.

Yummy Sushi

I haven't really eaten sushi very often in the past couple of years since I was introduced to sushi on a date (thanks, Tim!), but that may change.

In St. Peter's, MO, of all places, is a little hole in the wall sushi place called "Crazy Sushi."  I've heard great things about it, and my bestie has been bugging me to make a sushi date.  Last night was the said sushi date...and it was GREAT!

I loved that our rolls came out on a wooden boat.  So cute!!  We got 5 rolls, and I tried them all, but I liked 3 of them the most.  I liked: california roll, crunch roll, and rock & roll (roll).  I still need to work on my chopstick form, but it was great!

Then we went shopping and to Starbucks.  Fun night with my bestie!  I still can't believe the best sushi I've ever had was in St. Peter's.  Amazing!

Help From My Friends...

Oh life.  After talking to several friends on the phone and online today, this song randomly popped into my head.



Does this song get your cheese-o-meter going?

Maybe for some, but not for me.  I have fond memories of this song from yester-year, and I proudly sing along.  I know I sang this as a duet at a MASC (Missouri Association of Student Councils) camp one summer.  Well, actually it was the second summer I went to the Leadership Camp at William Woods University in Fulton, MO (nerd alert!).  I remember in high school, the Senior Farewell concert every may was guaranteed to have some version of this song included.  Usually it was two senior girls who were besties singing through tears in a duet or trio, and I fully expected to do the same thing when I was a senior choir girl.  However, I had more than one bestie, I had 7 others that were my high school choir besties.  So, we did a version of "With a Little Help from my Friends" by Pieces of 8.  You can listen to the Pieces of 8 version here.  We got permission from the band to sing it at our concert, and they even sent us the sheet music that wasn't published.  It was pretty cool!  Then, we were invited to be the opening act for Pieces of 8 at two benefit concerts for Habitat for Humanity...but that's a whole other story. :)

Anyway, I'm a person who doesn't have a lot of friends.  I mean, I'm friendly and have lots of friends, but only a few really good friends.  I have a few very close friends that I hold very close to my heart.  Today, I got to speak with most of them, and one more just sent me a text message!  Hooray!  I LURVE my girlfriends so very much, even if I'm a flake most of the time because I keep myself super busy.  Being able to chat with my friends on the phone for a couple of hours today just made me so happy.  Thanks, Ladies!  You know who you are!!

growing

Have you ever just grown apart from a friend that has been in your life for a long time?  I feel this has been happening to me for about a year now.

I feel guilty for not calling, getting bored when this friend tells me her current life drama, or passing on a night out because I don't want to see her make a fool out of her drunk self.  Yet, I feel like I'm growing up more while she stays the same.  Can two people just grow apart and it be okay?

I get frustrated with her.  She asks my advice, and I tell her the same things over and over.  She dismisses me or says she "can't" face certain problems.  I feel that all I can do for her now is pray.

It's weird to think about just letting someone go from your day to day life.  I'm not a person to have a lot of close friends.  I have about 5 close friends, and I often think I can't "afford" to let anyone go.  But if she's continually dragging me down and frustrating the heck out of me, is that an equal, healthy friendship?

I can honestly say at this point I don't miss talking with her on a regular basis.  It makes me sad, but it's true.  I guess sometimes people grow at different rates or in different directions.  Maybe we are just on different paths now.