True Friendship

I am not a perfect person.  My name is not God.  But, I consider myself someone who loves deeply and tries to live a life of joy in the midst of, sometimes, great heartache.  Right now I am having a hard time.

I feel there are certain people I have an intuition about.  Not many, a few handful of loved ones that I seem to always guess their true intentions even when they put up a wall or a mask.  [Wow, I mentioned Masks.  You would think I was a member of the Reap Team or something...]  I sort of see right through the illusion because, well, I don't know why.  It's a mystery.

I have a friend that I have known for many, many years that I have recently reconnected with.  [And if he sees this blogpost, Lord have mercy on me and help me.]  We spent some time together a few nights ago, and I got a better view into the life he is living.  And, as he is someone I once called my best friend and whom I have fallen in and out of love with for the past 15 years or so, my soul was weeping for him.

Jeremiah 13:17

"But if you will not hear this, my soul shall weep in secret for your pride: weeping it shall weep, and my eyes shall run down the tears, because the flock of the Lord is carried away captive."

I questioned him gently, and he told me his lifestyle made him happy, that this was just how he rolled now.  He couldn't get through 2 minutes without referring to himself with derogatory terms like: freak, whore, etc.  He called himself a bad person.  Even when I reminded him he was a good person, he immediately dismissed my comments.  Even though I was smiling and flirting during our time together because I love him dearly, my soul was weeping.  My heart was breaking.  I was sad for him.  I wanted to say something a little more direct.  But I was afraid, and I kissed him in the doorway and walked away.

My fear of rejection gets in the way all too often. 

Holy Spirit, stir in my soul.

It would be easy to just walk away and not look back to this situation.  But, I'm having one of those moments that I'm feeling God tug on my soul.  It feels similar to when I was first in front of the Blessed Sacrament and ultimately led me to converting to Catholicism or when I was tugged by the Spirit to teach PSR this fall.  It's constantly on my heart, and I need to do something.  But what?

Do I continue to be his friend and preach by example?

Do I confront him?

Do I stay away and just pray for him?

Do I ask others to pray for him (already doing this, btw)?

Do I invite him to spend MORE time with me to do fun things outside of his norm, even if it is super difficult for me?

I need to pray.

Deutero-What?

Tonight my Bible in 90 Days group had our first meeting for discussion.  It was great!  But, I was caught off guard by questions about the Catholic Bible.  I hate it when I know the information in my head, but I have a hard time communicating it to someone.  Oh well, eventually I'll get it down.  Just like I have a definition of music therapy down cold. ;)

Here's some information that I should have been able to recall about the extra Catholic books of the bible.  Please note the references at the end.

"The Deuterocanonical books of the Bible are those books in the Catholic Old Testament that are not in the Hebrew canon, but were included in the Greek translation, the Septuagint, and taken over into the Latin versions.  The deuterocanonical books (and additions) are:  Sirach, Wisdom, Baruch, 1 and 2 Maccabees, Tobit, Judith, and additions to Esther and Daniel."

And he continues... "It seems most proper to say that Sixtus of Sienna started using the term to denote those books whose place in the canon was denied by the Protestants, allegedly because of their absence from the Hebrew canon.  It would be fair, moreover, to suspect that Protestant rejection of these books was based on more than simply their absence from the Hebrew.  See for instance, the remarks of van den Born:"

"Although the complete canon of Scripture was at least implicitly held in the Church from the beginning and was semi-officially proclaimed by several early Popes and local Councils, it was not until 1546 that the Church, in the Council of Trent, issued it's dogmatic decree on the canon of Scripture, in which, after listing the books of the OT and the NT, it anathematized those who refused to hold as sacred and canonical these books "in their entirety, with all their parts, as they have been accustomed to be read in the Catholic Church and are contained in the old common (vulgata) Latin edition.  Till the time of the Protestant Reformation no serious doubts were raised in the West about the deuterocanonical books..... In the 16th century the Protestants relegated the deuterocanonical books fo the OT as "apocryphal" works to an appendix in their Bible, partly on the authority of the few Fathers of the Church who had doubted about them, partly for the reason that some of these books offered passages opposed to Protestant tenents (e.g. 2 Mac, 12:43 on sacrifice for the dead; Tob. 4:10; 2:9; Sir 3:30; 29:11f on the merit of good works), and partly on the fact that these books are not in the Hebrew Bible, on which the Protestants based their new translations.  Sixtus of Sienna (1520-1569) introduced the terms 'protocanonical' and 'deuterocanonical,' to signify respectively the books of Scripture which were received by the entire church from the beginning as inspired... [and thus through Trent to the present day] ... and those whose inspiration was the object of doubt on the part of [the Protestant Reformers, among others].  This did not affect the belief of the Church as such, which received and used them as inspired.  This terminology is not very felicitous, inasmuch as it may wrongly give the impression that the Church had an earlier official canon that excluded certain books which were later included in a second ("deutero-") canon."

"In any case, in Catholic biblical studies, the term "deuterocanonical" refers to those books or portions of books in the OT (as defined by the Council of Trent) which are omitted from the Protestant scriptures, and to which Protestants attach the term "apocrypha."  It is specifically to this distinction that the term deuterocanonical has referred since the sixteenth century.  It is important that Catholic students of the bible keep two principles in mind, especially when using terminology in an ecumenical or apologetical setting:  First, the term "deuterocanonical" refers to the (fully inspired, and recognized by the Church from the beginning) OT books which are rejected by Protestants.  Second, the term "apocrypha" should never be used of the deuterocanonical books."

WHEW!  Did ya follow that?  Personally, anytime I'm reading something and someone uses "insomuch" I'm impressed.  Basically, the books of the bible that Protestants call "extra" were really always part of the bible the Catholic church used.  Only during the Protestant Reformation did they get eliminated from Protestant bibles.  Interesting, right?  You can read these books of the bible at the USCCB website.

References:  

David Twillman.  Coursebook from Ave Maria University. 2006.

A. Robert and A. Feuillet.  Introduction to the New Testament. Translated by Patrick W. Skehan et. al. New York: Desclee Company, 1965, p. 552.

Hartman, Louis F., C.SS.R. Encyclopedic Dictionary of the Bible. A Translation of A. van den Born's Bibels Woordenboek Second Revised Edition.  1963. McGraw-Hill Book Company, INC., New York. (309, 310, 311, 314).

Twenty-Four Hours to Go...

There is a reason I don't go on more trips with my sister, and I remembered the reason today.



My sister and I are complete opposites in just about every category known to man, except when it comes to shopping.  It's a miracle we don't show up wearing the same outfit more often.  We seem to get along fine for about 24 hours, then I just can't take it anymore and I turn into an evil, mean version of myself.  I think I lost it when, on our first night in the hotel, I started reading my bible and she gave me the "look."  Oh, you know the look.  The one that without saying a word it says "why are the world are you reading that crap" look.  So, I told her about the Bible in 90 days challenge I was doing this summer.  She said to me, "I thought you didn't like reading fiction."  I kept my cool and told her to believe what she wants, but it might be helpful to actually read something before she makes up her mind about it, because she has never read the bible.

Throughout the weekend, I let my sister choose what we did.  I gave into her wishes.  We shopped until I dropped, and I spent a lot more money than I anticipated or budgeted.  I let her choose where we ate, because it seemed like every suggestion I gave was met with a "I don't like that" reaction from her.  So, I gave up suggesting.  I let her listen to her music, which gave me a headache (apparently I'm old and don't like the youngins music anymore).  I wanted pictures of us at various places so I could add them to the blog or as a sisterly facebook profile picture, she refused and whined about it.  I only have one picture of me from the trip, and it's a bad picture of me with a bull outside a BBQ restaurant.  And, I didn't get mad when we walked in the hotel room and there was only 1 king sized bed because she, on purpose, didn't tell me we were sharing a bed.  I even let her use my razor because she forgot hers!

When it came time to drive home on Sunday, I was excited because I was ready to go home and I love a good road trip drive through mid-MO.  We split the driving to Kansas City, so I figured we would split the driving back to St. Louis.  I was apparently wrong.  When we stopped in Columbia, MO, for lunch, I stated I was excited about driving the second leg of the trip and my sister stated that there way no way she was going to allow me to drive.  That was IT.  I lost it.  The one thing I had been looking forward to all day and she was denying me that one small pleasure I asked for when I let her dictate our entire weekend.  I tried to tell her nicely that I really wanted to drive, I love driving, and I wanted to listen to my Christian music for the last leg.  She refused.  I started yelling, and she yelled back.  She threatened to leave me by the side of the road in Columbia because I was being such a beeeeeep.


So, I finally got in the car, on the passenger side, and engaged in some negative behavior that I am not proud of at all.  Every time she turned on the radio with the headache producing music, I turned it off.  She turned it on and yelled at me, and I turned it off.  Juvenile, I know.  Not my most amazing moment, but eventually she stopped turning it on and we drove from Columbia to St. Charles in silence.  It was wonderful once I calmed down!  No crap music on the radio that made me crazy.  I tried to not think about the fact I wasn't driving and she was just doing a power play.  I got out my iPhone and opened the iRosary app to silently pray to try and get balanced again after my angry episode and beg forgiveness for not being Christ to my sister in that moment.  I can't do it alone, and I'm not perfect.  But today, I absolutely lost it.

It's really unlike me to just lost it and yell and someone.  Something about my sister just drives me to the edge of sanity every time I spend extended time with her.  I feel like I need to limit my time in order to keep the peace.  It's too bad, because she's my only sister.

B90: Day 1

Today is the official first day of the Bible in 90 Days challenge that I'm doing this summer (B90).  I actually read the readings for today last week because I thought it was starting last week, but I'll blog about it now. :)

Readings today:  Genesis 1:1 - Genesis 16:16

How many times have I read Genesis?  Many.  My thoughts on the opening of Genesis seem to change throughout the years.  The past several years it has reminded me of the Easter Vigil Mass on Holy Saturday because the first OT readings are of the beginnings.  But, this year, I thought more about science.  I guess it's because I'm watching all these science shows on television about how the universe works, but it's interesting to weave the Big Bang, black holes, and supernovas into the Genesis creation.

I continue to be amazed at how Mary plays into the creation story and how in the NT she's the new Eve. I love making those connections new again.

And, on the day I read about Noah and the rainbow, I saw a real rainbow.  Made my heart go all a twitter.

Summa-time

I don't think I've mentioned this year how I'm now officially done with work for the entire summer!  Well, about 8 weeks.  This is one of the main reasons I remain employed by a school district over other options because, let's face it, it's pretty awesome to make a good salary and still have 8 weeks off in the summer.  Booyah.

So last week my wise Father asked me what my summer plans were.  Perhaps you are thinking the same thing.  So, let's chat about my summer plans.

1.  Grad school.  I was going to take 3 grad school classes, but I ended up making the decision on the side of sanity and dropped the reading specialist practicum.  So, I'm taking a "Frameworks of Learning" course along with "Teaching Math in Elementary/Middle School."  I'm trying to just do a number of classes left countdown to December graduation.  Right now the magic number is 5.

2.  Work.  Wait...didn't I say I was done with work?  Yes.  HOWEVER, somehow I became a co-chair for two committee at my job, and so I have projects to do over the summer.  Luckily my fellow co-chair is a good friend, so doing departmental PR videos and developing an internship program will be uber fun.  I'll keep telling myself that...

3.  Travel.  I'm going on a mega-sisters-across-Missouri trip this weekend to Kansas City with my sister Katie.  I'm a little bummed that the health department in CoMo put the nix on the cicada ice cream, because I wanted to seriously try it!  I have no idea what we're going to do, but we have free hotel and gasoline to burn.  After that, I'm doing a solo road trip to Florida.  I'm excited to visit my Aunt and Uncle  and spend my days at the beach doing absolutely nothing but reading and sunning.

4.  Purging.  No, not vomiting.  Getting rid of "stuff" in my house.  I have way too much "stuff," and I need to get rid of some.  Look out goodwill, my CR-V might be full.

5.  Gardening.  I have a wicked awesome container garden going on.  So far, my lettuce and snow peas were successful, and I see baby tomatoes growing.  I'm hoping to also harvest peppers, carrots, parsley, and zucchini.  I probably forgot something...there are lots and lots of containers out on my patio!!

6.  B90.  I'm doing the Bible in 90 days challenge with a group of ladies, so every day I'll be reading and blogging about Bible.

I know these 8 weeks will go by very, very quickly, but I'm happy to get in my less stressed and relaxed groove.  I have a feeling the upcoming year with work is going to be extra busy, and I want to be ready to light the fire when work starts up again in August!  Happy Summer!

B90: Judith

Judith beheads Holofernes

I like reading things either really early in the morning or late at night, so I have a full day to ponder the material I read, often relating it to daily events or to the longings of my heart.

Judith was both difficult and a joy to read.  For my non-catholic-y readers, you can find the Book of Judith here with the introduction that I'm reading in The Catholic Study Bible.  In the Catholic bible, Judith is found after Tobit, before Esther.  So, as many of the Old Testament books begin, Judith opens with a narrative of war and battles in regions that are a bit fuzzy in my visual of an ancient map.  These parts of the bible that describe war, battles, and war strategies do not hold my attention unless there is a personal biographical narrative embedded within it.  Luckily, the book of Judith quickly got to the main storyline of, well, Judith!

The storyline is typically well known.  The Israelites are under attack and may be forced to surrender.  Judith convinces the elders to allow her to leave the gates of the city in order to do God's will and save God's people.  She ends up in the enemies tent, with a drunk commander.  She takes his sword, beheads him, and takes his head back in a sack to the village elders and God's people are saved.

When I read this last night, this one passage really stuck out to me:

Jdt 8:8: "No one had a bad word to say about her, for she was a very God fearing woman."

I know that many times I say things that I shouldn't say at work or with friends, and I often wonder if people speak ill of me when I am not present.  I'm glad I read this passage so I can take it to prayer for me to know when to shut my mouth so I can evolve into the character of a God fearing woman.

Today I was driving around trying to get some errands done.  When I drive, I contemplate things and life.  I started thinking about Judith...  Oh, God had quite the field day with my heart and mind this morning!

Often, I avoid God's tug on my heart.  I don't know if a lot of people know this or not, but when I'm at Mass or before the Blessed Sacrament, I feel his presence very strongly in a physical way.  It moves me.  It tugs at me.  It calls to me.  But, I'm often fearful of where it will take me.  In the story of Judith, the Elders were afraid of what would happen to the people in the city, and therefore gave God an ultimatum to receive water and food or they would surrender.  Judith was not fearful.  She prayed.  She heard the voice of God and acted.  God, in turn, saved his people by her hand.

How often do I hear the voice of God and refuse to act?  How often am I fearful and ignore the call, tug and voice?  How much good could I be doing to help others if I would have acted?

Judith, pray for us!  Help us to be trusting and fearless.  Help me act when the Holy Spirit moves me.  Jesus, I trust in You!

B90: Tobit

Tobiah and Sarah kneeling in prayer on their wedding night while Raphael slays the demon.

God provides.

After I read all of my B90 day one reading in Genesis, I was greeted by an email from our B90 small group leader that we would be delaying the start for one week.  I was so excited!  Why?  Because I can spend this week reading my 7 deuterocanonical books!  Yeehaw!

So, last night I read Tobit.  All of Tobit.  It's not that long, and it's written as an engaging story in narrative form.  For all my non-Catholic-y readers, you can read the Book of Tobit here.  There is also an introduction at the link, which is the same introduction I'm reading in my Catholic Study Bible.  How convenient!  In the Catholic bible, Tobit is located after the Book of Nehemiah.

I love how the introduction to Tobit states the major themes that are taught in the text:  fidelity to the law, the intercessory function of angels, piety toward parents, the purity of marriage, reverence for the dead, and the value of almsgiving, prayer, and fasting.  It's easy to see all of this in Tobit.  I really liked how it wasn't in your face like, "OH, woe to you who did not fast and pray, death be to your kinsmen!"  It was embedded throughout the text in the virtues, values and principles of the characters.  The characters demonstrated these virtues through their words and actions, which is the best example there can be.

I won't tell you the entire story (don't want to spoil it for the newbies to Tobit!), but anytime there is an archangel in disguise to help humans and the slayage of a demon in order for a wedding to be consummated, I'm intrigued.   Of course, my favorite part is this prayer that Tobiah prays with Sarah on their wedding night...

"When the girl's parents left the bedroom and closed the door behind them, Tobiah arose from bed and said to his wife, 'My love, get up.  Let us pray and beg our Lord to have mercy on us and to grand us deliverance.'  She got up, and they started to pray and beg that deliverance might be theirs.  He began with these words:

'Blessed are you, O God of our fathers; praised be your name forever and ever.
Let the heavens and all your creation praise you forever.
You made Adam and you gave him his wife Eve to be his help and support; and from these two the human race descended.
You said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone; let us make him a partner like himself.'
Now, Lord, you know that I take this wife of mine not because of lust, but for a noble purpose.
Call down your mercy on me and on her, and allow us to live together to a happy old age.'"

B90

Today, I start the Bible in 90 Days Challenge.  A wonderful friend invited me to join their B90 group, and I was eager to say YES.  One slight problem, however...  The Bible in 90 Days Challenge programming is for a non-Catholic bible.  What's the problem, you ask?  Oh, just a little thing called the deuterocanonical texts, that's all.

If you break it down and if I want to read the Catholic bible in 90 days (which let's face it, I do!), then I have 7 more books of the bible to fit in these mere 90 days of intense reading.  Which books am I referring to?  That would be: Baruch, Judith, 1 Maccabees, 2 Maccabees, Sirach, Tobit, and Wisdom.  If anyone has a great plan for me to fit these extra books into the structure of B90, now would be the time to share your expertise with me.

Don't get me wrong, I've read the Old Testament before when I was taking graduate level theology courses at Ave Maria University, but it was a quick read.  The reading required for those classes was so intense I couldn't keep up and ultimately dropped out of the program.  Maybe again someday...

I'd really like to read the Old Testament using the newest edition of the New American Bible, but I'm torn between that and the RSV Catholic Edition by Ignatius, which was required reading for courses in theology.  But, honestly, I'm leaning towards my NAB "The Catholic Study Bible" because I can reread the introduction materials for each book, giving a great reference point.  Maybe I have too many bibles...

Anyway, I will be blogging about my reading, impressions, frustrations, new insights, and whatever else may surface.  Get ready bible, here I come!