Five Things

Within the past year and a half, I began to rethink my "must haves" for a potential spouse.  You know what I'm talking about...the mega-list that a girl will make that includes all the qualities of her future spouse.  I'm talking lines and lines of qualities that no man could possibly live up to.  It's idealistic and unreasonable, but when you make it you don't realize how crazy it really is.

So, I slashed burned cursed revised my list.

I really spent a lot of time contemplating and creating this new list.  I tried to make it with attainable goals and only 5 points.  Very important points.  When I finished it, I realized why all my relationships did not work out.  NO ONE (even my ex-fiance) would have gotten a "check" for all five points.  And NO ONE has ever gotten a check for my number five.  Or really, if I am completely honest with myself, NO ONE has gotten a check for my number four as well. 

Yes, I still think number four and five are attainable.  In fact, they are probably two of the most important points.

So, without further ado, I present my "five things."

1.  He makes me happy to the point my friends comment on how happy I am.
2.  He is a Christian and we feel comfortable praying with/for each other.
3.  He is open to having children, if God so desires to bless us with such a gift.
4.  I feel comfortable being my authentic self with him (I trust him).  He likes me because (despite) of my quirks.
5.  The way he treats me reminds me of how my Dad treats my Mom and how my Grandad treated my Gramma.

What do you think of my list?  Do you have things that are "must haves" for a potential future spouse?

Happiness

Jefferson Barracks Park

Today was one of those days that I felt truly alive!

These types of days have been surfacing less and less each year.  I want every day to be like today!

First, I needed to drop something off at a friend's house this morning, so I set my alarm for 3:30 a.m.  Shockingly, I hopped right out of bed and got the errand done.  I then drove to South St. Louis County to my favorite park, Jefferson Barracks Park, to walk the trail.  The weather was beautiful, and I even jogged some of the trail.  During my entire walking time, I prayed the Rosary with the Sorrowful Mysteries and then the Divine Mercy Chaplet.  I think this is such a better choice for me than simply listening to music while I walk.  I want to go back and do this again in the morning tomorrow, but I really need to find a good walking park closer to home.

On my walk I saw a bunch of deer (and no bobcats or bears, thank goodness!).

I was feeling good when my walk ended at 8am.  I didn't feel like driving home in morning rush hour, so I took back roads and took a nice drive.  Windows open, music blasting.  It was amazing!  I stopped to get some breakfast and then drove some more.  This time, I had my roof and all the windows open, my car stereo on max (it's a miracle I didn't blow a speaker), and I even took my shirt off (oh yes I did!).  Well, I was wearing a sports bra, but I had never done that before!  I thought, why the hell not?!  I wanted to get a little sun on my skin, and taking the shirt off would do it.

When I got home from driving for 3 hours, (!), I took a 3 hour nap before going into work.  A coworker commented that I looked like I was glowing.  Yes.  Yes, I was.

A glorious day in the midst of some crazy this week.  What an absolute blessing!  I hope tomorrow provides at least a moment that is like today.

Thank you, God, for today!

Poking

God has been poking my soul all summer about how to get involved in the church again.  You know what I'm talking about, right?

Me:  UGH.  What am I going to do with my spare time?
God:  Poke, Poke, Poke...

I have sort been in a holding pattern when it comes to ministry involvement for the past few years.  Part of this game of pause involves full time graduate school.  The other part revolves around getting burned when doing youth ministry...but that's a whole other story that isn't blog-worthy.

So, I've been praying.  A lot.  Wondering how I could possibly fit back into the scheme of things on a local church level.  This summer, I feel like God has moved from poking to shoving.  But, I just wasn't seeing where I was going to plug in.  I didn't feel like youth ministry was really my calling.  I also didn't really feel like I should join a choir, even though I'm an accomplished vocalist and musician.  I just wasn't feeling it.

Then, tonight I got a shove from a friend that I feel was my extra nudge and a half from God.  Yay.

MOTF called me to say that her priest emailed the entire parish desperate for volunteers to help with the children's liturgy and a 6th grade PSR teacher.  I immediately had a huge smile and was super excited about this opportunity!!!  It's at the local parish that I have thought about joining (I'm still a member of the parish in my old neighborhood), and I feel like these two situations are totally up my alley.  In fact, that's why MOTF called me.  She said that she read the email and immediately thought of me and that it was a perfect churchy thing for me.

Had I previously shared my intensive prayer for ministry with this friend?  Nope.

Does this friend usually call me to talk about super awesome Catholic stuff?  Nope.

Does this friend usually encourage me to take on more responsibility when I'm already crazy busy?  Nope.

Yet, she called me about this specific thing, and she encouraged me and hyped up each volunteer opportunity.  In fact, she thought I would be perfect for both situations.

I told MOTF I would ponder each of these things in my heart (just like my name sake, Mary), but I already "knew" that I would be emailing each contact person tonight to give my own yes (fiat).

My heart feels at peace, and I am happy.  They may have already found someone to teach PSR, but I'm almost positive they need people to proclaim the Gospel to the children.  I have my "in," and I'm excited.

God uses MOTF in extraordinary ways in my life, and I am so grateful for her friendship and God using her.  She's the one that brought me to God in the Eucharist in the first place, ya know (read my conversion story at the top of the blog).

I feel like dancing.

the highlight of my week

I may have mentioned this to a few of my friends before, but if I honestly think about it, Sunday is my favorite day of the week.  Why?  I'll tell you why:

Holy Mass.

No matter what I do each week, Holy Mass is always the highlight.  I'm happiest at Mass and before the Blessed Sacrament.  Here's what some awesome people had to say about Holy Mass:

"The Heavens open and multitudes of Angels come to assist at the Holy Sacrifice." ~St. Gregory
 "The Angels surround and help the priest when he is celebrating Mass." ~St. Augustine
 "When Mass is being celebrated, the Sanctuary is filled with countless Angels, who adore the Divine Victim immolated on the altar." ~St. John Chrysostom

We read in the revelations of St. Bridget: "One day when I was assisting at the Holy Sacrifice, I saw an immense number of Holy Angels descend and gather around the altar, contemplating the priest. They sang heavenly canticles that ravished my heart; Heaven itself seemed to be contemplating the great Sacrifice. And yet we poor, blind and miserable creatures assist at the Mass with so little love, relish and respect!"

"All the good works in the world are not equal to the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass because they are the works of men; but the Mass is the work of God. Martyrdom is nothing in comparison for it is but the sacrifice of man to God; but the Mass is the sacrifice of God for man." ~St. John Vianney, Cure d'Ars

"If angels could be jealous of men, they would be so for one reason: Holy Communion." ~St. Maximilian Kolbe

"Words cannot express the perfection of his adoration. If Saint John leaped in the womb at the approach of Mary, what feelings must have coursed through Joseph during those six months when he had at his side and under his very eyes the hidden God! If the father of Origen used to kiss his child during the night and adore the Holy Spirit living within Him, can we doubt that Joseph must often have adored Jesus hidden in the pure tabernacle of Mary? How fervent that adoration must have been: My Lord and my God, behold your servant! No one can describe the adoration of this noble soul. He saw nothing, yet he believed; his faith had to pierce the virginal veil of Mary. So likewise with you! Under the veil of the Sacred Species your faith must see our Lord. Ask St. Joseph for his Lively, constant faith." ~St. Peter Julian Eymard

"It is not to remain in a golden ciborium that He comes down each day from Heaven, but to find another Heaven, the Heaven of our soul in which He takes delight." ~St. Therese the little flower


Seriously, though.  How can I pass up an hour of heaven on earth on Sunday?  I can't.  But I also think that most 30-somethings wouldn't respond the same way.  I am so blessed in not having to struggle with *knowing* the truth.  Ever since the first time I went to Mass and Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament in February 1998, I have just *known* it is the truth.  It is difficult for me to explain, and that's why I don't really share it with people on a regular basis.  A seminarian once told me that I had "the sense of the faithful."  A gift and blessing where I hear the truth and know it as such without question.  The best way that I can describe it is that the truth has always been written on my heart, but it is revealed to me in God's time, not my own.  He chooses those moments in my life that I need to know more, and I accept them fully and wholeheartedly without question.

I think that is hard to grasp for most people.  Everytime I learn something new about Catholicism, I don't pour over it and "decide" whether I should believe it or not.  Instead, I pour over it to see how the information revealed has changed me and converted my heart and life closer to Christ.  I don't need to decide to believe, because it "just makes sense."  It feels right.  It's comforting.  It creates joy and more love.

I also think that is one of the reasons I want to learn, ready, and study more about Christianity, Catholicism, and theology.  I thirst for drawing closer to the Trinity.  I crave the Eucharist every week.  The more I learn, the more I love God and others.  How can I pass that opportunity up?  How can I dismiss that?  I can't.  It's amazing and life changing.

More about Holy Mass at another time.